5 ways to ease back into ‘normal’ life

Since early 2020, life has been capsized. The impact of the pandemic will be felt for years to come, but in the shorter term, we are all having to learn how to ‘be’ in the new, evolving ‘normal’. Human beings are a highly social species, wired to connect with one another, and being isolated for so long is going to affect how we come back together. As society creaks back to life, there is no gospel for learning how to ‘do’ our previous understanding of normality – socializing, going back to shared workspaces and traveling again. Everyone is different, but reintegrating might not feel straightforward, so here are some ideas for staying grounded now that more freedom is not just a fantasy, but a tentative reality.

Our worlds have felt very small for some time, so it would be strange to gallop into all social situations with complete ease. If we are only used to seeing a small circle of people, reunions with those we haven’t seen for a while, although wonderful, might feel trickier than we had anticipated. Perhaps conversation feels stunted; our ability to read social cues a little clumsy. It is easy to internalize these feelings and turn them into narratives like, ‘Why doesn’t this feel great?’, but it’s worth reminding ourselves that we can feel all kinds of emotions at once: relief, fear, comfort and excitement. We change all the time throughout life in response to what happens to us. It is illogical that we would stay the same, but this is a shared experience; we are all learning again as we go.

Our bodies are carrying the anxiety, loneliness, trauma, apathy and sheer boredom of the past year. The ongoing threat of coronavirus transmission, working from home (or living at work), isolation, grief, home schooling or job loss are enormous stressors. Prolonged stress can keep us in fight-or-flight mode and, if high levels of cortisol and other stress hormones are sustained, it can make a body feel terrible. As we move forwards, it may be that some of these feelings continue and it will take time to learn what not feeling on ‘high alert’ all the time feels like. But we are not all broken. Some people will be much worse affected, of course, but we evolve. That is what makes us human.

A key focus of the clinical work I do is helping people to tolerate the emotions attached to situations they can’t control. However, reintegrating as the pandemic still continues may require a pragmatic lens. If you’re planning to meet friends for the first time in ages, for example, and feel anxious, make a mental note of what you know you have control over – from how you get there to where you go; be honest about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Practice saying ‘no’ to invites (it gets easier over time). More generally, we can control how much information we absorb and are potentially affected by. Staying informed is crucial, but doom-scrolling isn’t.

Coping with this crossover period is easier for some than others. If events of the pandemic or long periods of loneliness have caused significant emotional distress, saying ‘yes’ to social events or making plans might feel scary. Reserving judgement of our friends and family who still feel nervous is important. We’re a very adaptable species, but can get used to particular ways of being. Adapting the behaviors that have made us feel safe – not just those that have been mandated – will take time. Gently making connections between how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking (our critical inner voice that might say, ‘You should be loving it!’) can be helpful. ‘Thoughts are not facts’ is a useful reflection, too, when difficult opinions pop up in our minds.

After staring at the same walls for so long, you might never want to take freedom for granted again. Squashing many different activities into one week might feel delicious, and, for some, will be just the ticket. But for others, consciously pacing things is important. After a week of back-to-back socializing, we might be disappointed if we feel exhausted, or that we haven’t consistently enjoyed ourselves when we ‘should’ have. It isn’t fair to subscribe to ‘shoulds’ right now; listening to our instincts and how our body feels is an act of self-compassion. Remember, too, that many of us will have been desensitized to noise: the hum of conversations in the pub or bar; music in shops or restaurants; passengers’ phone calls on public transport. Our brains need time to get used to multi-sensory experiences again. If you are feeling fragile, take things slowly. See friends one-on-one or plan local activities before branching out. Gently exposing ourselves to anxiety-provoking things is how we build resilience, but it is rarely instant.