Toxic Positivity: How To Rethink The Culture Of Happiness

“Writing about toxic positivity was extremely eye-opening,” says therapist Whitney Goodman of embarking on her first book – an honest guide to “owning our emotions – even the difficult ones – in order to show up authentically in the world”. From the constant and relentless pressure to be happy, to understanding the value of negativity and giving space to process real feelings, Goodman shares with PORTER four crucial things she’s learned about the culture of positivity through the process.

“When I first started this project, I did not understand the depth of the issue and the amount of influence that positivity culture has on our society. I was extremely surprised to find how positivity and emotional suppression was used to eliminate certain populations and maintain systems of prejudice. It is also something that has morphed to infiltrate wellness culture, religion, the workplace and healthcare. Our total devotion to happiness culture has unfortunately pushed us to silence people when we would benefit from learning about their pain and struggles. It has also forced us to suffer in silence during really difficult moments, when we could be sharing together.”

“It’s important to understand that positivity is not inherently toxic – and neither is negativity. Positivity can become toxic when it is used at the wrong time, with the wrong people, and while discussing difficult topics. Negativity can also become problematic when we are constantly orienting ourselves towards what is challenging or negative. However, our more distressing feelings and complaints are also full of important information: when we are engaging in negativity or complaining, we’re talking about what is important to us, what might need to change, seeking connection and uncovering a need. It’s important to identify when you may need some validation and understanding, or some motivation and a pep talk. If we don’t see the value of both positivity and negativity, we will continue to experience shame and suffer in isolation.”

“In 2018, I joined Instagram as a therapist and began noticing that these toxic-positivity quotes [Goodman references examples in her book, like ‘good vibes only’ and ‘look on the bright side’] were everywhere. I started collecting them on a Pinterest board and created a chart that had ‘toxic positivity’ in one column and ‘validation and hope’ in the other, offering people suggestions of what they could say or do instead. This post really took off and helped me grow my small account. Because of its popularity, I began discussing this concept with my clients, family and friends, while also continuing to write about it online. What I discovered was that I wasn’t the only one who found this approach wildly unhelpful, and that we needed to start talking about it publicly.”

“Reducing or eliminating toxic positivity from our lives can lead to more connection, less shame, feeling our feelings, and greater resilience. I hope this book helps people make space for the good, the bad and the neutral. I genuinely feel that the more honest we’re able to be about how we feel and our struggles, the more moments of happiness and joy we will experience.”

Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy is out from February 1